The ray of sunshine sneaked in from the hole of the window pane and fell on the floor in front of shuddering Hamid. His body slowly moving with rhythm of his prayers……last prayers before he left this world. At this moment, he was missing his Ammi, his younger sister Firdaus and fiancée Rukhsana…….and then there were these weird thoughts of childhood crossing his mind, jumping into the pond with friends….chasing butterflies...playing volleyball in sunshine…hundreds of glimpses of happy memories.His whole life went past in front of his eyes like a movie in fast forward mode.

“I must be stronger and be ready for the life after death.”He told himself, though he was unsure of the latter part. He cursed himself for these doubts but the fact was that in these last moments, he just wanted one thing….life !!
It had been sometime that the firing had stopped. He inspected the last magazine of his AK 47 with trembling fingers. Breathing heavily, he crawled towards the small hole of the attic and peeped outside. “Why have they stopped firing?” He wondered and held on tightly to his weapon…..his eyes blurred, throat dry and a continuous ringing noise went on in his ears…… “This is death!!” He thought, though there were no magical lights around….no mystical fragrance…no angels flying around as Maulvi sahib had claimed….instead, there was regret and fear of unknown.
……And then he heard it. Initially he thought that he was hallucinating…..or was subject to the antics of the scheming devil. He stopped his breathing for a few seconds to hear it clearly….yes it was actual……loud and clear.
“You have been surrounded from all sides….surrender and you will not be harmed.” Someone was shouting in Kashmiri language on megaphone.
“This is for real!!” He thought. A strange sense of relief,mixed with a tinge of guilt overpowered him. His breathing became stable and thinking clearer.
A heated debate ensued between his real self and his alter-ego.
“Surrender? No question….it is better to die than to be a coward.” His alter-ego admonished.
“…But there is life out there…” The real self pleaded.
“…And there is life after death…remember?Jannat and hoors?” The alter-ego reminded.
“…But what is the guarantee that I will go to Jannat?” The real self doubted.
The alter-ego paused while the real self continued:
“If I am not going to Jannat, then what is the use of ending this beautiful life? And if I am destined to go to Jannat then why not live this life first? I want to get married to Rukhsana….have children…..take Ammi to Haj…..take care of Firdaus…..ride my motorcycle….go for fishing with friends…sit in my courtyard with Kangri inside my Pheran…and enjoy hundreds of other small pleasures of life I took for granted before I picked up the gun.”
“But you will be called a coward.” The alter-ego fired its next salvo.
“Bilal Bhai of our village too had surrendered… and is a sarpanch now…..so many of old surrendered guys are living a respectable life….dying is easy but surrendering requires strength….dying would be selfish while surrendering will be an act of kindness to my family….” The real self prevailed… Hamid left behind the AK 47 and crawled out of the attic… to life…
Today again, the sunshine has sneaked through the window…..directly on the pretty face of Hamid’s four years old daughter….sitting on the lap of her grandmother. He thinks about the day in the attic as Rukhsana pours tea for him and reminds him to go for the meeting of ward members. As he goes past the Mosque on his motorcycle, like always he thanks Allah for providing him the correct guidance…..guidance to choose life over death.
Do what is beautiful; Allah loves those who do what is beautiful