Ask any parent, and they’ll tell you that dealing with the behavioural situations can be among the most challenging – and common – parts of parenting. If the frustration of the moment itself weren’t enough, there’s the difficulty of how to respond. Do you give a time-out? Threaten to take away privileges? Negotiate? Or do you follow the approach being promulgated by an increasing number of advocates, which holds that connecting with a child in their moment of distress, not punishing them, leads to a calmer, better-behaved, and emotionally more in-tune kids? The word 'discipline' has been misconstrued as 'punishment', meaning inflicting pain as a consequence of doing something but actually, it means instruction or teaching. Parents have to discipline their wards and not pamper them to the extent that it gets difficult for them to control their children. You can change a child's behaviour by focusing just on the behaviour. But if you look at what's underlying it, helping your child to hone skills of insight and empathy, you can go beyond that. That, yes, allows a kid to guide their behaviour, but it's much, much more than that. It allows them to know themselves and others in a way that allows them to thrive, not just survive by regulating their behaviour. They may come at discipline in different ways. Not only is harsh or authoritarian parenting not optimal – permissive or "indulgent" parenting isn't, either. Permissive parenting, which is normally defined as being supportive but with low levels of control or expectations, tends to be a mixed bag. Indeed, despite the stereotypes around "gentle parenting", a punishment-free approach doesn't mean doing away with boundaries. It should be authoritative, not permissive. But there's a way you can do that without using dominance, withholding or punishing. It's not about the child doing everything the child's way. It's about coming to some balance. Children learn best when you respond to them with empathy before guiding them in their behaviour. Not only should punishments not be the crux of any parenting strategy – but they're not the best way to teach a child a lesson, either. Spanking and things are very attractive for many parents because they often get a quick reaction. Reasoning, rather than simply commanding, is something you can do with children from a young age. It's something they really start to understand when they're two or three. Mild punishment is only better than regular other punishment because the side effects are so few.