06-28-2022     3 رجب 1440

Marriage: Not a Smooth Sailing

May 26, 2022 | Dr Azra Mufti

“Hey, are you really married”, is one of the most common questions I get to hear. The reason being I don’t usually doll up like a newlywed bride or wear expensive and stylish jewelry that self explains the marital status of a girl. Having been married for the last four years has made me understand a thing or two about marriage and as I complete the four years today, I thought of writing the things that are held up in my mind and heart for a long time. I do not want to school people about tips to make a successful marriage or the hardships and struggles of being in a committed long relationship but just pen down things that I have come to realize over this short span of time.

To begin with, most people say that married life starts a new chapter of love in your life, I would rather say it is the test of love than love per se. Every happy marriage is happy in its own way and every unhappy marriage has the same old clichéd reasons to fall apart. The least important things consume the most important place in your heart and thus act as a catalyst in souring your beautiful relationship. One of the most common reasons for arguments between couples is undoubtedly “the family”. It can be the family of either husband or a wife but families play a very pivotal role in arguments, separation or divorce. I might sound quite pessimistic but ask ten couples the reason for their divorce and believe me most will say the same. Here, I want to give readers Rule no 1 to make a happy marriage,” Never involve your family in any argument. The most serene discussion can turn sour because of two words, viz “your family”. Some husbands are completely intolerant about your family and the mere mention of it turns the fight ugly. How do we deal with situations like this? Ignorance and acceptance. Most of the people won’t agree to this school of thought but trust me, this saves your sanity and time as well.
Introverts suffer the most in marriage, reason being they are never good at expressing things and keep on piling stuff. They find it hard to get things off their chest and carry the baggage of hurtful sentiments with themselves. Most introverts want the marriage to function in their own silent and subtle way but if you are married to an extrovert, bam! They will not let you sulk in your favorite corner till the arguments are solved which is a good thing actually and brings us to Rule no 2, “Talk things over a cup of coffee and iron out the issues “. I have been the introvert one in my marriage and I have suffered enough initially because of the lack of proper words or actions to express myself. When people say communication is a key, it holds meaning in actual sense.
Start the relationship with no expectations, as they say expectation is the root cause of every heartache, truly it is. Every day is a surprise after marriage whether you know a person or not. Living can be difficult with another person, be it a spouse, family or friends but what makes this journey beautiful is continuous effort. Efforts go a long way in nourishing a relationship that gets dried over the passage of time. Gradually you start valuing the relationship rather than the person per se. The relationship takes precedence over the person you are married to. This brings us to rule number three which is “efforts go a long way in saving your marriage”. Piling up the issues and leaving everything to destiny does not work in marriage, you have to make efforts just like you do in every job. “Marriage is a contract”, I keep saying to my partner, so every contract has to be renewed at proper intervals with adequate amounts of love and respect.

 


Email:----------azramufti786@gmail.com

Marriage: Not a Smooth Sailing

May 26, 2022 | Dr Azra Mufti

“Hey, are you really married”, is one of the most common questions I get to hear. The reason being I don’t usually doll up like a newlywed bride or wear expensive and stylish jewelry that self explains the marital status of a girl. Having been married for the last four years has made me understand a thing or two about marriage and as I complete the four years today, I thought of writing the things that are held up in my mind and heart for a long time. I do not want to school people about tips to make a successful marriage or the hardships and struggles of being in a committed long relationship but just pen down things that I have come to realize over this short span of time.

To begin with, most people say that married life starts a new chapter of love in your life, I would rather say it is the test of love than love per se. Every happy marriage is happy in its own way and every unhappy marriage has the same old clichéd reasons to fall apart. The least important things consume the most important place in your heart and thus act as a catalyst in souring your beautiful relationship. One of the most common reasons for arguments between couples is undoubtedly “the family”. It can be the family of either husband or a wife but families play a very pivotal role in arguments, separation or divorce. I might sound quite pessimistic but ask ten couples the reason for their divorce and believe me most will say the same. Here, I want to give readers Rule no 1 to make a happy marriage,” Never involve your family in any argument. The most serene discussion can turn sour because of two words, viz “your family”. Some husbands are completely intolerant about your family and the mere mention of it turns the fight ugly. How do we deal with situations like this? Ignorance and acceptance. Most of the people won’t agree to this school of thought but trust me, this saves your sanity and time as well.
Introverts suffer the most in marriage, reason being they are never good at expressing things and keep on piling stuff. They find it hard to get things off their chest and carry the baggage of hurtful sentiments with themselves. Most introverts want the marriage to function in their own silent and subtle way but if you are married to an extrovert, bam! They will not let you sulk in your favorite corner till the arguments are solved which is a good thing actually and brings us to Rule no 2, “Talk things over a cup of coffee and iron out the issues “. I have been the introvert one in my marriage and I have suffered enough initially because of the lack of proper words or actions to express myself. When people say communication is a key, it holds meaning in actual sense.
Start the relationship with no expectations, as they say expectation is the root cause of every heartache, truly it is. Every day is a surprise after marriage whether you know a person or not. Living can be difficult with another person, be it a spouse, family or friends but what makes this journey beautiful is continuous effort. Efforts go a long way in nourishing a relationship that gets dried over the passage of time. Gradually you start valuing the relationship rather than the person per se. The relationship takes precedence over the person you are married to. This brings us to rule number three which is “efforts go a long way in saving your marriage”. Piling up the issues and leaving everything to destiny does not work in marriage, you have to make efforts just like you do in every job. “Marriage is a contract”, I keep saying to my partner, so every contract has to be renewed at proper intervals with adequate amounts of love and respect.

 


Email:----------azramufti786@gmail.com


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Owner, Printer, Publisher, Editor: Farooq Ahmad Wani
Legal Advisor: M.J. Hubi
Printed at: Abid Enterprizes, Zainkote Srinagar
Published from: Gulshanabad Chraresharief Budgam
RNI No.: JKENG/2010/33802
Office No’s: 0194-2451076, 9622924716 , 9419400056
Postal Regd No: SK/135/2010-2019
Administrative Office: Abi Guzer Srinagar

© Copyright 2018 brighterkashmir.com All Rights Reserved.