In our society, whenever marital discord surfaces, the finger of blame is almost instinctively pointed toward the husband. For decades in Kashmir, and perhaps elsewhere too, public sympathy, family pressure, and social narratives have largely revolved around the suffering, complaints, and grievances of the wife. While genuine oppression of women must never be ignored or justified, another uncomfortable reality also deserves honest discussion: the gradual neglect of a husband’s rights, dignity, emotional well-being, and authority within marriage.

This conversation is not against women. It is against imbalance.
Today, before every rukhsati, parents spend enormous energy preparing daughters for wedding functions, jewellery, social appearances, expensive lifestyles, and expectations from the groom’s family. Rarely, however, do they seriously teach them the responsibilities, patience, emotional maturity, sacrifice, and respect that sustain a marriage.
Marriage is not merely a decorated stage, photography session, honeymoon trip, or social status arrangement. It is an institution built upon mutual duties, restraint, understanding, compromise, and accountability before Allah and society.
Unfortunately, modern trends are changing this sacred understanding.
In recent weeks , months, years, especially while interacting with families , intermediaries, couples undergoing “grey / full divorces” or emotionally broken marriages, one repeatedly hears allegations and counter-allegations. Beneath many of these disputes lies a dangerous mindset cultivated unintentionally by some affluent or influential parents — the notion that the husband is merely a “babysitter,” financial provider, or service machine whose role is to fulfil every wish of the wife, whether reasonable or unreasonable.
Initially, requests are made politely. Over time, requests become expectations. Expectations turn into demands. Eventually, demands become orders. The moment the husband fails to fulfil every emotional, financial, social, or material desire, dissatisfaction begins. Friction follows. Egos rise. Communication collapses. Families interfere. Respect evaporates. Homes become battlefields.
Parents often forget to teach a simple truth to their daughters before marriage:
“If you want a happy married life, leave your shoes and ego outside the door.”
The same advice equally applies to men too. But today, reminding society of husbands’ rights has become necessary because the pendulum has swung too far in one direction.
Every faith, culture, and civilised society defines rights alongside responsibilities. Islam, in particular, beautifully balances the rights of husband and wife. While Islam commands men to honour women, provide protection, affection, dignity, maintenance, and compassion, it also grants husbands certain rights essential for family stability.
A husband has the right to respect.
Not fear — respect.
Not dictatorship — respect.
Not blind obedience in wrongdoing — respect within lawful and moral boundaries.
A husband has the right to emotional peace within his home. Home should not become a courtroom of constant criticism, comparisons, taunts, and emotional manipulation. Continuous humiliation weakens relationships and destroys affection.
He has the right to loyalty and trust. Publicly insulting one’s husband before relatives, neighbours, or social media audiences has become frighteningly common. Every disagreement is now discussed with friends, cousins, WhatsApp groups, or parents before being resolved within the marriage itself. Outsiders then inflame matters further, often turning minor misunderstandings into permanent fractures.
A husband also has the right to financial sensitivity. Not every man can fulfil endless consumerist desires. Social media has created unrealistic lifestyles and dangerous comparisons. Some wives compare their husbands with businessmen, influencers, relatives abroad, or wealthy friends. Such comparisons quietly crush a man’s confidence and self-worth.
Parents must teach daughters that marriage is not a luxury project. It is teamwork.
Another neglected issue is parental interference. Some parents continue controlling their married daughters emotionally even after rukhsati. Every small disagreement is escalated. Instead of advising patience, reconciliation, and wisdom, they sometimes encourage confrontation and emotional separation.
Marriage cannot survive if three families are trying to run one household.
Sadly, in some cases, the husband is reduced to an outsider in his own home. His decisions are mocked, his concerns ignored, and his sacrifices normalised. Men too have emotions, insecurities, anxieties, and breaking points. Society often tells men to remain silent because expressing pain is seen as weakness.
But silent suffering also destroys families.
A deeply concerning trend is the misuse of legal and social pressure during marital conflicts. Genuine victims deserve protection and justice. However, false allegations, exaggerations, or weaponising laws for revenge destroy lives, reputations, mental health, and children’s futures. Society must never support injustice against either gender.
There is another hard truth we avoid discussing: many young couples today enter marriage emotionally immature. Some girls are raised with the belief that adjustment is oppression, compromise is weakness, and patience is backwardness. Simultaneously, some boys are raised without emotional intelligence or responsibility. The result is a collision of egos rather than a partnership of hearts.
Marriage survives not because two perfect people meet, but because two imperfect people learn restraint, forgiveness, and coexistence.
Our elders once understood this wisdom better. They taught daughters dignity with humility and taught sons authority with responsibility. They understood that rights and duties walk together. Today, however, modern culture glorifies entitlement while discouraging sacrifice.
The growing culture of instant exits from marriage over manageable disagreements is damaging society. Every conflict does not require divorce. Every disagreement is not abuse. Every argument is not oppression. Sometimes couples simply need counselling, maturity, space, and sincere mediation.
Religious scholars, teachers, civil society members, and parents must revive premarital counselling rooted in ethics, communication, rights, and responsibilities. Before nikah, couples should understand not only wedding rituals but also conflict resolution, financial realities, emotional expectations, respect for in-laws, parenting responsibilities, and Islamic teachings regarding marriage.
A woman entering her husband’s house deserves honour.
A man accepting responsibility for a family also deserves honour.
Neither should dominate. Neither should humiliate. Neither should emotionally exploit the other.
The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ described the best among men as those best to their wives. Equally, Islamic teachings emphasise that a righteous spouse brings peace, cooperation, loyalty, and protection of the family structure.
Rights in marriage are reciprocal, not one-sided.
This article is not an attack on daughters, women, or wives. It is a reminder that stable societies are built upon balanced families, and balanced families require balanced conversations.
If society only discusses women’s suffering while dismissing men’s pain, resentment quietly accumulates beneath the surface. Men too deserve empathy, fairness, and dignity.
Parents preparing daughters for rukhsati should teach them:
Marriage requires patience.
Love requires sacrifice.
Respect must be mutual.
No spouse is perfect.
Comparison kills peace.
And ego is often the first enemy of happiness.
Likewise, sons must be taught kindness, gentleness, financial responsibility, and emotional maturity.
The solution is not gender competition.
The solution is restoring balance.
A successful marriage is not where one partner wins and the other loses. It is where both protect each other’s dignity despite disagreements.
Homes are not sustained by wealth, status, or luxury. They survive through humility, restraint, mutual respect, forgiveness, and fear of Allah.
Perhaps it is time society also remembered that husbands have rights too.

Email:-------------------------------drfiazfazili@gmail.com