How Loneliness Shapes Our Sense of Self

Drawing from his extensive clinical experience at NIMHANS, he traced the roots of identity to early childhood. In infancy and preschool years, a child’s sense of self forms through secure attachment, mirroring, and affirmation from caregivers

February 27, 2026 | Vivek Shukla

Loneliness is far more than the absence of people; it is the absence of meaningful connection—an emotional state that can persist even amid crowds. This was the view of Dr. Shekhar Seshadri, a renowned psychiatrist and former Professor at the National Institute of Mental Health and Neurosciences (NIMHANS). Delivering a compelling lecture on identity and loneliness across the human life cycle, he offered a comprehensive view of how our sense of self develops from infancy to old age and how isolation subtly influences that journey.
Speaking to a packed audience of clinicians, educators, and students at Pushpanjali Medical Centre in East Delhi, Dr. Seshadri emphasized that identity is not a static trait but a dynamic, lifelong process. “We are not born with a ready-made identity,” he said. “We grow into it, negotiate it, defend it, and sometimes lose sight of it.” The enlightening session was presided over by Dr. Vinay Agrawal, former President of the Indian Medical Association (IMA).
Drawing from his extensive clinical experience at NIMHANS, he traced the roots of identity to early childhood. In infancy and preschool years, a child’s sense of self forms through secure attachment, mirroring, and affirmation from caregivers. Responsive parenting fosters internalized worth and belonging. Disruptions—neglect, trauma, or emotional unavailability—can breed insecurity, later surfacing as social withdrawal or fragile self-esteem. “The earliest relationships,” he noted, who is also a brother of noted Bollywood star Meenakshi Seshadri.
In middle childhood, identity broadens to encompass competence and social comparison. School acts as a laboratory where children gauge themselves against peers. Success builds confidence; repeated failure or exclusion plants seeds of loneliness. Dr. Seshadri warned that intense academic pressure and performance-driven expectations can subtly convey conditional acceptance. To make his talk interesting, Dr.Seshadri even quoted some famous Urdu couplets.
“When a child believes love must be earned,” he said, “loneliness grows silently.” Adolescence marks a pivotal shift, where identity formation becomes deliberate and intense. Teens experiment with roles, beliefs, and affiliations to answer: “Who am I?”
Peers dominate, and belonging feels essential. This very sensitivity to acceptance heightens vulnerability to loneliness. Social media exacerbates the paradox: today’s youth are hyperconnected yet often profoundly alone. “There is a wide gap between curated digital personas and authentic selfhood,” he observed.
Young adulthood intertwines identity with career paths, intimate partnerships, and ideological choices. Modern urban life grants freedom but erodes traditional communities. Migration for studies or jobs severs family ties, forcing individuals to build identity in relative isolation. “Autonomy without anchoring feels liberating initially,” Dr. Seshadri said, “but it can breed existential loneliness over time.”
Midlife prompts reappraisal. Careers may plateau, children leave home, and aging parents need support. This stage involves quiet reckoning—evaluating achievements, regrets, and unfulfilled dreams. Loneliness here often arises not from absent relationships but from a perceived loss of purpose. He highlighted generativity—contributing to future generations—as a powerful safeguard against isolation.
In older adulthood, Dr. Seshadri spoke with urgency. Retirement, loss of loved ones, and health declines shrink social networks. Rapid societal shifts weaken joint family systems, leaving many elders exposed. “Old-age loneliness is not inevitable,” he stressed, “but it is increasingly common.” He advocated community mental health programs and intergenerational initiatives to uphold dignity and identity.
Throughout, Dr. Seshadri framed loneliness as a public health issue. Chronic isolation links to depression, anxiety, cognitive decline, and cardiovascular risks. Stigma often silences sufferers. “We medicalize distress but rarely inquire about belonging,” he said, urging clinicians to routinely assess patients’ relational lives.
He distinguished solitude from loneliness: chosen, meaningful solitude can heal; imposed, prolonged loneliness—with its sense of invisibility—harms. The goal is not erasing aloneness but fostering genuine connection.
He called on institutions to act: schools should teach emotional literacy alongside academics; workplaces must address the toll of hypercompetitive environments; urban planning should promote shared spaces and community engagement. “Identity flourishes in ecosystems of connection,” he declared.
In closing, Dr. Seshadri revisited the life-cycle lens: identity emerges from the interplay of inner narrative and social recognition. Feeling seen, heard, and valued strengthens it; exclusion or misunderstanding erodes it. Solutions extend beyond therapy to families, classrooms, and neighborhoods.
“Our identities are co-authored,” he concluded. “We become ourselves in relationship with others. To address loneliness is to safeguard identity itself.”
The lecture prompted deep reflection on how modern life simultaneously expands and fragments the self. By embedding loneliness within human development, Dr. Seshadri provided clinical wisdom and a broader call to action: connection is not optional—it is a psychological necessity.
It may be recalled that Pushpanjali Medical Education and Research Centre organises such lectures on a regular basis.